Bucket list | 2014

 

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Hey guys! So, with it being a new year, I figured now would be a good chance to update and write down this years bucket list. I am so determined this year, it's unreal. This year will be an amazing year, and I will get everything crossed off!

• Get an A for my childcare course
• Get a car
• Go to Disneyland Florida
• Meet a minion
• Take part in a 5K/10K race
• Earn over £1000 in a month
• Save £1000
• Lose a stone in weight
• Get a new job
• Go to Paris
• Travel for New Years
• Go to a festival
• Get off my backside and make something of my life
• Give up chocolate for 3 months
• Give up fizzy drinks for 3 months
• Give up crisps for 3 months
• See 3 films a month
• Read 1 book a month
• Be a happier person and gain more confidence
• Do something beyond your comfort zone
• Camp under the stars
• Finalise a life plan 

2013 | The Review

Hey guys! So, another year is coming to an end as we get closer to the New Year and even closer to Christmas. Amazing how quickly this month has passed, yet I still haven't finished my Christmas shopping - not my most organised month!

With the new year in sight, I started thinking. So much has happened this year and I have learnt so many life lessons. But it's safe to say 2013 has been a very successful and, in a way, proud year for me. I've accomplished so much more than I thought I would and gone above and beyond my own expectations of myself which has been a real shock to me. Normally I'm kind of a negative nelly and figure that someone is always better. Well, this year I've proven otherwise for myself and proven I am capable of what I want to do!

What I've accomplished this year:

• Got an A for my first year of Childcare
• Passed my driving test first time
• Went to my first festival
• Chosen my career path
• Discovered myself as a person

 

So, as well as accomplishments, I've learnt so many life lessons this year. Admittedly, I've learnt some of these lessons in a much harder way than others. Wish I hadn't, but hey ho - that's life. So here we go!

This years life lessons:

• People will try and ruin your happiness, it's your job to prove them wrong
• Money magically disappears - mine normally disappears in New Look!
• Make yourself known and people will remember you
• Some people will leave without a trace
• It's your life, you make the rules and choose the paths
• You can do anything you put your mind to 
• I can only trust a handful of people
• Some so-called 'friends' aren't going to be there forever - it's your job to find people who are willing to stand by you
• Friendships can be recovered, no matter how damaged

So yeah, I think this year has been insightful to say the least. Some events have been less appreciated which we won't go into, but I have learnt so much about me, myself and my life this year. Personally, I feel like my life is just beginning. Soon, I'll be out there in the real world. Working, living. Damn, that's scary.

Merry Christmas, guys! Have an amazing week and an epic New Year - see you on the other side :)

'Easy come, easy go..'

Hey guys! Hope you've all had an awesome week and are looking forward to the weekend - unless you're working like me.. Anyway, after having a long think lately, I've come to realise a lot of things. In particular, people. Safe to say people really irritate me most of the time.

The one thing I've learnt about people is that they will up and leave at any time. Sometimes without warning.. Sucks really. Like, the friends you have in school, people who were really close to at one point, people you could confide in and spend time with, just gone. With the obvious exception of university, it's amazing how many people can just walk away. People moan when no one makes an effort with them, but why don't you make the effort for a change and stop relying on other people for a change? You'd be amazed at how much of an impact it has..

I was talking about this to my friend the other day when we were heading to the cinema. In my life, I have had the same best friend for over 10 years who has stood by me through so much (god knows why) and has always had a place in my life. I also have two other close friends who have been in my life for the same amount of time, but never been as close with. Like, I spend more time with my best friend than with them as we live closer etc. They've been in my life since primary school, shows a lot really.

Then, I have the friends from secondary school. Now, I changed groups a lot throughout school and had friends in different groups too which was nice. Year 11 was probably the best year in seeing who my true friends actually were, spending that last summer together having camp outs, prom, days out... I could happily spend time with these guys and just have a laugh. But now, I barely talk to any of them. Obviously, if we bump into each other, we'll chat and catch up sometimes, but most of the time I don't really hear much from them unless I see them on my twitter feed or facebook..

Next, I have my sixth form friends. This is the real surprise if I'm honest. A lot of things happened in sixth form which resulted in a large mixture and changing friendship groups. I think my social group probably changed more than 5 times over the course of  two years. Met a whole variety of people in sixth form who I thought would never leave if I'm honest. Yet, since finishing, I only talk to a handful of people. Like, the people who said they'd never lose contact etc etc, have just left. Not even bothered. Once or twice I've seen them since sixth form, but not much. And it's sad really, for someone to just drop you like that without a warning or anything. Makes you really consider what the word 'friendship' means to some people.

Then, I have my college girls. Now, I haven't known these girls long but they have already had such a positive impact on my life. College is a lot easier with friends and they give me more of a reason to get up and go to college. Knowing I can go to college and have a laugh and a bit of fun makes it so much better. They are just awesome and all so different, it's amazing how well we all click as a group! 

Finally, I have my work friends. This is a more recent selection of friends so they haven't had much time to adjust to my madness just yet, bar a couple of people. But they are amazing, and I'm meeting more people as my time there goes on! Like, some people I haven't always seen eye to eye with, but things are going well at the moment. I've made some amazing friends at work and made some great connections with people, some stronger than others..

Despite the people who have left, I'm so grateful for the friends that I actually have. They have been there for me through a lot and put up with me through the worst of times. Makes me feel incredibly lucky to have the people I do in my life :-)

My 'Peter Pan' Mentality

Hey guys! Hope you all had an awesome Halloween. Bit of a different kind of post today. Not music, not film.. More of a realisation and life rant if I'm completely honest. Now, I've been sat having a proper think this miserable, British evening and I came to a horrible conclusion. I'm 19, still in college and supposed to be 'starting' my life next year. I have no clue as to what I want to do. This could be an issue..

Looking at some of the people I went to school with who are either my age, older or, in some cases, younger, I am very behind in comparison. They're all getting engaged, having babies or even married! Then there's me. Socially awkward, incredibly childish and immature and genuinely terrified at the thought of growing up. Great start, right? I can't seem to maintain a relationship without getting myself hurt, can't seem to make 'grown up' decisions (unless planning how to rearrange my room counts as one..) and so on. Then I look at my family. One of my cousins is married with two kids, another is in a well paid recruitment job practically rolling in the money, others are at university or starting their lives with partners.. I'm one of the only ones who didn't go to university and, quite frankly, I feel like I'm going nowhere..

I absolutely love the course I'm doing at college. I mean, it's childcare - what's not to love, right?! Wrong, coursework is a nightmare. Other than that, the course is pretty awesome and I love it. The girls are lovely, the teachers are (mostly) supportive, the course itself is insightful and interesting.. But where will it take me? So far, I'm doing really well. Got an A for the first year and aiming for an A this year which will be an almighty challenge to say the least, but what will I do with it? At the end of the day, I aspire to be either a nanny or a teaching assistant - prefer the idea of a teaching assistant if I'm honest, but nannying a small child would be just as rewarding! Maybe when I get into my career more, I could go into teacher training. Not 100% yet.. But that takes me to next year.. What the hell am I going to do when I come out of being in education for 16 years...

In my head, there are so many things I would love to do next year. Some more realistic as per usual! Like, I'd love to work with Disney. The cruise line, the actual parks... More realistically, I have a higher chance of working somewhere like Centre Parcs or Butlins. Really pushing the boat out there.... Not. admittedly, Centre Parcs wouldn't be so bad if I got into something enjoyable. Ideally, I'd love to get a teaching assistant job or a nannying career and eventually move out of home with a good enough salary to support me. Wishful thinking, right? I think so too. All I want is a secure career which I enjoy and a happy life. Is that too much to ask for? Clearly it is with my mentality.

Then we come to the present, and where I am now. I live at home with my mum, I work in Sainsbury's all weekend every weekend, I can't drive (legally on my own - learning is good enough!) and I'm in college/placement every weekday. When do I have any 'me time'
just to wind down and think? Try never, or when I have holiday off work and college. I'll be honest, I don't want to work in Sainsbury's forever. As good as it is for now (good pay, met some amazing people etc), it's hardly my lifetime ambition.. As for college, need I say more. I go to college three days a week and placement the other two days, doesn't sound to bad and, in all honesty, it really isn't compared to some courses. But what do I do when it's all over? 

I've learnt in the past few months that having positive people in my life can create a positive mind and mentality. I absolutely adore the girls on my course, they are amazing. I can't imagine doing the course without them. Same with some of my other friends, like my best friend. She has got my through so much this year (we won't go into detail) and, despite me being the biggest pain in the backside going, has stuck by me through thick and thin. This applies with a couple of other people. I've restored friendships which were crushed and found who is worth keeping in my life. We all think we'll stay close with our friends in schools, but that is far from true. Out of all of my sixth form friends, I speak to a handful now. Just shows how little you can mean to someone really, doesn't it.. Especially when they simply do not make an effort with you at all. My worst fear is being alone and, with things like that, I literally feel beyond alone.. Having no one to turn to about certain things is the worst feeling ever.

So, now I've written my little rant, I've realised I have more motivation to write this than my college assignments - how bad is that?! But, in all seriousness, I find myself in a bit of a mess. My head is a mess, my heart is in a state that can't be described.. I am clueless. No one could ever imagine half the things that go on in my head, and I couldn't blame them. Ever. Basically, to sum it all up, I have the 'Peter Pan' mentality - I don't want to grow up..

Help me. 

College lessons part 2.

Hey guys! Been majorly slacking in my blogging recently thanks to college work (definitely influenced this post!). So I thought I would start off with a post continuing from my previous college post which can be read here. For those who go to university or college, this will definitely appeal to you! Well, hopefully..

1. Music is your motivation

No matter how motivated or unmotivated you are, music will always help. They'll always be a playlist or two which will keep you going throughout the day.

2. The library will always save you

Whether it's your escape route or your saviour, you can always rely on the library. If you've forgotten to do your work or need an excuse to leave, the library is the one.

3. You will forever judge other people

You will judge people, and people will judge you. Draw attention to yourself and you're heading for a downwards spiral. 

4. Buses are unreliable

Let's face it, public transport is useless. When is a bus ever on time?

5. Social networking will always distract you

 I can vouch for this. Having my laptop or iPod in college forever draws me into checking the latest tweets or messages.

6. Having a car will keep you sane

No one wants to be stuck in college, having a car is your only hope for a quick and easy escape! Plus you can go out at lunch, no one wants to be stuck in a packed canteen for lunch when there's a KFC or McDonalds down the road...

7. Coming in with a hangover or lack of sleep will kill you

Let's be honest, waking up with a hangover or lack of sleep is bad enough. Dragging your sorry backside out of bed with a hangover or lack of sleep is beyond painful! Why bother when you can go out on the weekend instead? Plus, no one wants to be dealing with your little strops when you're too hungover to function.

8. Your phone will always try and get your attention

Hearing your phone or seeing it flash will simply cry for attention. Attention seeking thing.

9. Friends are essential

I can't function without friends, I can't see how anyone can if I'm honest! Friends keep you going through the day and can easily turn your worst days from bad to good at the best of times. I know I couldn't survive college without my girls, they definitely keep me going through the toughest days! Plus, if they have cars, you have your lift to junk food..


10. Banter is key

At the root of all friendships is banter. How can you survive without it?! Ripping into each other and insulting each other is one of the basics of a great friendship. It also makes the college days so much brighter and fun when you're spending the entire day laughing with and insulting each other for a bit of fun!

The Call

Hey guys! For the latest edition to the film reviews, I'm going to be looking at the latest release The Call, starring Halle Berry.

(source: YouTube)

This recent release looks at how 911 operators have to deal with some of the worst crimes and the impact it has on them as well as the victims. One operator, Jordan (Halle Berry) has to deal with a case which change her life and career completely. After connecting to an emergency call, she finds herself dealing with a terrified young girl who is trapped in her own house when someone is trying to break in. While on the phone to 911, the girl finds herself petrified and results in hiding in order to not be seen or found by the intruder. Just as they're about to leave, the phone gets disconnected and, in a frantic state, the operator calls back to check all is okay. However, this was a fatal error. After hearing the phone ring, the intruder returns upstairs and drags the girl out to her death with the operator with no one to blame but herself for making such an error.

 

(source: trailers.apple.com)

Six months later, Jordan finds herself teaching those who want to do work in the 911 'hive' and has to teach them the ropes of the job. When passing one operator who is frantically trying to calm someone down, she finds herself taking over and trying to help the case. Little does she realise, she is about to have a flood of memories overwhelm her as she finds herself dealing with another terrified girl on the phone. Rather than a house call, this victim finds themselves locked in her kidnapper's car. Can she save her?

(source: www.craveonline.com)

Now, I have never been so gripped throughout a film until I saw this.The Call has to be one of the best suspense builders and chilling thrillers of 2013. I had moments of fear, sadness and all round curiosity throughout. Would she save her? Would another girl die? If she did save her, how would she do it? This film really got me thinking though. How can people in this world be so messed up and damaged that they can go out and about and hurt of kill others? Watching the film really opened my mind up to how psychopaths and incredibly damaged people can so easily live a double life. So easy to hide from others, yet, be so destructive on themselves and their victims.

 

(source: YouTube)

The majority of serial killers and psychopaths has something severely wrong with them. They had a damaged past, they saw or suffered something which has scarred them for life, some trauma they may have witnessed.. So many different things can cause a person to feel they have no way out but to ruin the lives of others instead and not always in the most pleasant ways. Take this film, for example. The psychopath in this film kidnaps his victims for a reason (I won't spoil it for you all!) and then kills his victims because of something in his past and can easily hide it from his wife. How can anyone do that?

I know some people say, in anger of course (I hope), that they could easily kill someone. But, when it comes down to the reality, could you actually kill someone? Could you hide it and act completely normal? How people can do it, I'll never know.

Song of the week - 22.9.13

Hey guys! Been slacking this week with the music posts as I've been up to my ears with college work and placement sorting etc. Anyways, here's this week's song choice of the week! This week's song is Boys Like Girls - Love Drunk.

 (source: www.youtube.com)

After the past few months, this song basically sums up how I feel. For those who have ever been through a pretty rough break up, I'm sure you guys can relate to this song too. Aside the fact it's been one of my favourite songs for years, I find that, lately, I can really relate this to my own feelings..

Relationships aren't as easy and fairytale like as you want them to be. Not everyone gets the happy ending they want and that sucks, especially when you see people who have been in relationships for years and seem to have their own perfect fairytale love story. Not like that for everyone. Definitely not for me. Been in a few relationships over the years, all incredibly different but all end in the same aftermath.

This song talks about the come downs after a relationship and the aftermath of it all. For some people, it's bitter and all that comes out of it is 'why did I waste my time with them'. however, for some people, it's more complicated and confusing. None of my breakups have ever been simple, not ever. The most recent one was probably one of the most painful though. But that's life. You can mope around over it and dig yourself a hole of depression, or you can get out there and make the best of your life and prove you're capable of better. It's just getting out of the hangover from being love drunk which is the worst...

5 Things I've Learnt At College.... So far!

Hey guys! So, now I've been at college for a year and Sixth Form for two, I've got to grips with what and what not to do and learnt a few lessons outside the classroom so I thought I'd share them with you guys!

1. Be Yourself

You are at college for your own benefit, no one else's. It's your life, not theirs. Who are others to tell you what you can and can't do?! (aside from teachers of course). You are doing what you want to do and doing what's best for you and your future. Don't waste your time pleasing other people on your course if they have no time/interest in you. You will make friends naturally. I have amazing friends on my course at college and I did in Sixth form too, but trying too hard pushes people away. You want to pass? Motivate yourself. Don't do what's best for someone else. Concentrate on yourself.

 
(source: chrispiascik.com)

  
 2. Don't dress to impress

Difference between college and Sixth form is the dress code. Sixth form has a 'business wear' dress code, whereas, college has no dress code. Some people take this a little bit too far and far too extremely. For example, just last week when I was trying to eat my lunch with my friends, I spotted a girl on a table across from ours. She wasn't the smallest of people either which didn't really help when she had some lovely short shorts with a crop top that was see through at the back. Seriously, I was trying to eat. Not what I wanted to look at. I wear comfortable, simple clothing: jeans, t-shirt, converses, done. Not trying to impress anyone.

3. Be organised

For some people, being organised comes naturally. For others, not so naturally. Admittedly, buying stationary stuff alone keeps me organised. So many highlighters, notepads etc! If you bring nothing to college or can't be asked to work hard, you will fail. Plain and simple. You work hard to get to where YOU want to be. No one else is going to sit your course, do your exams/coursework etc. 

 
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4. Be on time

For those who drive, you will know where I'm coming from with this. If you rock up to college late, you will pay for it. If you get the bus, at least you have an outlet to blame. If you drive to college and get there late, you are well and truly stuffed. With so many students and teachers driving to college, you have very little choice in your parking! If you're lazy like me, you will not appreciate the only spaces at the back of the college being free when you need to be on the other side of the building! Also, teaching get quite snarky when you're late which doesn't help if you're in a bad mood or still half asleep...

5. Last but not least, get some sleep

If you are one of those who's up all night on their laptops, games consoles, phones etc until past midnight, you will hate college forever. Being unbelievably tired for a long day of college is painful, especially if you have a long day from 9-5. Your day will drag, you will be in a bad mood and ruin the mood of everyone else around you. Not a good start. Get a decent night sleep so you feel refreshed and motivated for the morning and prepared for your day ahead. Trust me, college is so much better when you actually feel up to it!

 
(source: www.zenbedrooms.com)

'You must go to university to succeed in life...'

Hey guys! For my first 'society dictates' post, I've decided to talk about university. Good timing too seeing as people will soon be returning to and starting university in a matter of weeks..

 
(source: www.nerdist.com)

In school and college, we get our heads filled with information about university and how important it is in life etc etc. Where I went to sixth form, we had days dedicated to looking at universities and days out to a couple of them. We would sign up for UCAS and look at courses which we thought would suit us. Of course, this wasn't for everyone so not everyone had to sign up for anything or go on these visits and so on.

Admittedly, I don't go to university. Chances are I never will for a number of reasons. For starters, for the occupation I want to go into, I don't need university. I want to be a nanny or a teaching assistant. If I wanted to be a teacher, I would need to go to university. But I don't. For what I need, I could do a Level 3 college course which is exactly what I do. Secondly, university doesn't appeal to me in the slightest. The idea of debt and leaving me loved ones behind at a young age just isn't something I'd like to consider. The fact I'm incredibly socially awkward probably wouldn't do me any justice either if I'm honest.. But hey ho, that's just me!

Although it's not for everyone, university does have its advantages and pros. Yes, for some jobs, you do need to go to university. For example, nursing and, as I've already mentioned, teaching. This would be a major reason why people go to university! It also gives people the independence they need. We all have to grow up and mature at some point and, for some people, university gives people a chance to live a very independent life. No more relying on the bank of mum and dad! 

People find themselves at university. In some cases, people take a gap year (or gap years) to find out who they are and what they want to do. Going to university, you meet a lot of new people who can help bring you out of your shell and help you develop a new and exciting lifestyle. Normally, this includes lots of drinking games and lots of going out! People say the friends you make at university are your friends for life, mainly because they're stuck living with you and learn to put up with you! If you live with the same people throughout your entire time at university, you know you can't be that bad. 

As I've already mentioned, I'm not the sort of person who would go to university. But I'm not the only one.. For some people, the idea of debt simply crosses out the idea of university altogether! Having to pay £9000 a year, plus accommodation, plus drinking, plus food and everything else is enough to put anyone who isn't sure what they want to do in life off university straight away.

For others, the idea of being in education from 4-21 years old is quite a daunting thought! It's scary to think you've been in education for about a fifth of your life. People want to go out and explore the world while they still can and explore different opportunities to better themselves as an individual. 

Personally, university isn't my choice and I'm sure people will agree with me that it's not for everyone. If you don't need it or want to go, what's the point? What bugs me is that people look down on those who don't go to university. You don't know their reasons for not going, so what's to look down on? People choose their own fate and have their own aspirations, it's down to them to succeed and achieve what they desire.